


Of Love and Hidden Charms

by atlantisairlock



Category: Nikita (TV 2010)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Student/Teacher, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, F/M, Teacher-Student Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-15
Updated: 2014-09-15
Packaged: 2018-02-17 12:25:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2309570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atlantisairlock/pseuds/atlantisairlock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I see forever when I look into your eyes<br/>You're all I ever wanted<br/>And I want you to be mine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Love and Hidden Charms

**Author's Note:**

> loosely based on loving annabelle. previously found under my account on fanfiction.net.
> 
> title from the singaporean drama with the same name.

It's the first day of school and already there's an empty seat. It's a bad sign.

Nikita discreetly checks her roster for the missing child, frowning. According to the list there  _shouldn't_  be an extra space for someone. So why?...

"You have another student coming in, by the way," Amanda tells her after class, and the confusion clears. "She's transferring in tomorrow - and she's in your dorm, too. She's a bit of a... problem child, just to let you know. Expelled from two schools, terrible track record, constantly flouting the rules, her grades are appalling - this is her parents' last resort. She'll be your responsibility. I know how you work." Her superior gives her a smile. "So I'm hoping you can help mould her into someone a little less... wild."

Nikita takes the dossier silently, scanning quickly through.  _Alexandra Udinov. Seventeen._

"Udinov?  _The_ Udinov?" There's an edge of surprise in her tone, and Amanda nods the affirmative. "Correct. Only daughter of the head of Zetrov. The man wants his daughter out of his hair at least for the school term."

She doesn't speak, taking a glance down Alexandra's seemingly never-ending list of rulebreaking and offences. Open defiance, underage smoking, underage drinking, flouting of dress codes, promiscuity... Nikita's lips tighten. Well, she's got her hands full this time.

 

 

Nikita quite likes the other teenagers in her dormitory. Jaden is spunky and outspoken, witty and a little sarcastic. Thom is quieter, more disciplined, radiating confidence in every movement. Robbie resembles Jaden but he's a little more ambitious, a little more impulsive. She's talking to them and getting to know them better when someone opens the door and walks in, quickly identifying the empty bed in the corner and dumping her belongings on it. Four pairs of eyes stare at her, and she stares back.

"You must be Alex." Nikita smiles, standing up and walking over, and she swears the girl's eyes light up at the fact that Nikita calls her  _Alex,_ not  _Alexandra._

"Yeah." Her voice is the furthest thing from what Nikita imagined from her description in the file. Her eyes are bright and her smile is sincere, and for a moment Nikita can't believe this is the same girl who apparently tried to set her classroom on fire. "You're Miss Mears? My dorm head? My form teacher?"

Nikita nods, and gestures to the other teenagers in the room. "Jaden, Thom and Robbie. Your dorm mates." Thom gives her a warm smile and waves, Robbie smirks welcome and Jaden grins, obviously glad there's another girl around. They chorus hello, and Alex smiles back.

The last thing Nikita can't help but think to herself before she leaves the dorm is -  _she's beautiful._

 

 

"It is your responsibility to keep her under control." "She's an absolute delinquent." "She's not fit for the school." The complaints flood in to Nikita in the form of enraged colleagues just a week after Alex arrives, and her brow furrows in worry when the fifth angry rebuke leaves her wondering exactly why it's happening. From what she's seen in her class, Alex's outspoken, maybe a little loud - but never outright defiant, and her dorm mates have an extremely positive view of her. She doesn't doubt the legitimacy of her colleagues' allegations, but in the same breath she also doesn't doubt Alex has a reason behind all this - all she wants to know is  _why._

She sacrifices lunch to head down to the green and find her student - and find her she does, sitting alone on the stone steps hidden behind some bushes. Alex's taking a long drag on her cigarette when Nikita pushes aside the leaves and branches and says "hey".

"Holy shit," the girl swears and nearly burns herself from the sudden unexpected interruption. "Miss Mears." She doesn't sound in the least guilty, just taken by surprise. Nikita decides not to let her disapproval show, and just smiles. "Hi there. Can I sit down?"

Alex cocks her head to the side and shrugs noncommittally, smoke escaping from between her lips. "Aren't you going to report me?"

Nikita grimaces, shaking her head. "I've had enough grievances told to me by your other teachers to deal with more negativity right now. Michael says you're openly defiant in class and you talk back to him, Seymour tells me he caught you giving cigarettes to the others, Ryan's furious because apparently you don't do  _anything_ in his class, at all."

The girl smirks and turns to look Nikita in the eye, counting off her fingers. "If Mr Bishop doesn't want me questioning him and making arguments in a  _Philosophy class_ then maybe he should find another job. Everything I needed to know about other languages with Mr Fletcher I learned back when I was in Russia as a young girl from my mother before she died and my father made his fucking fortune. And the others wanted a smoke so I gave them some of my stash - is that illegal?"

Her teacher frowns. "Why do you break the school rules, Alex?"

The question is met with a deep scowl. "Because it's fucking fun."

"There are other ways of having fun."

"My idea of fun is alcohol and cigarettes and lots of sex. So shoot me."

Nikita gazes at her, and sees sorrow and resentment buried deep inside her heart, reflected in her eyes. She sighs. "Alex, I like you. And I don't want to see you getting kicked out of here. I think you're a good person, whatever they all think of you right now."

She gives her a beseeching glance, and it's met by dark fire in Alex's eyes. "If you like me, you're going to have to deal with who I am. If I get kicked out of here - great. Maybe Father will finally give up and let me do what I fucking want to do with my own life. And if you think I'm good -  _I'm not._ " Alex crushes the cigarette butt under her heel and disappears out onto the green, leaving Nikita upset and more than a little disappointed.

 

 

She's disappointed - but she's not someone who gives up easy. It's why she's always succeeded, why Amanda has so much confidence in her. So she goes back. She finds Alex in the same place again next day, and this time the Russian girl seems to be expecting her. "You came."

"I came," Nikita nods. "Want to chat?."

And to her surprise Alex gives her a small half-smile, offers her a cigarette, and replies, "Sure. As long as this isn't another lecture."

"Deal. No lectures. Just talking."

Alex nods, and Nikita settles.

 

 

"I think we're going to have to expel her, honestly. And I want your opinion, because I believe you have a right, considering you're the head of her dorm," Amanda says quietly two months after Alex enrols, holding a long list of offences Alex's committed along with a stack of formal complaints lodged by the teachers. She looks up at Nikita over the desk. "Yes or no?"

Nikita thinks back to the irate grouses of her colleagues in the staff lounge about the problem child in the school, the girl who can't keep her mouth shut, the girl who doesn't know what's good for her. She thinks of the cigarettes and beer cans Alex disposes in the communal trash bin and how her daily communication revolves around swearing like a sailor in every conversation.

But then she thinks of Alex sacrificing her lunch hour to help Jaden with math, and getting up early to help time Thom when he does track practice, and helps Robbie to the bathroom when he gets sick, which he constantly does, what with a weak constituency and immune system. Nikita remembers their daily chats in their hiding place and Alex's lilting laugh and her open-mindedness, her liberal outlooks on things that would shock and disgust Nikita's colleagues.  _  
_

She remembers herself saying  _you are a good person,_  once,and Alex looking down at the grass beneath her feet and the can of beer next to her shoes, the cigarette stilling between her fingers. She remembers Alex quietly responding  _you know, after all this with you, maybe I can start to believe that._

Nikita meets Amanda's gaze steadily. "No. I don't think you should expel her."

Amanda doesn't seem surprised; she gestures to Nikita. "Explain."

Nikita takes a deep breath, opens her mouth.

 

 

"Ms Collins wants to expel me, doesn't she?" is Alex's greeting that afternoon. Nikita stops short because this time there is no alcohol, no cigarette, it's just Alex sitting on the stairs with her eyes a little wet and her knees drawn up to her chest. "How did you find out?"

Alex snorts, but it sounds a little wan. "What did you say?" 

"I told her no," Nikita answers, sitting down beside her student and touching her arm lightly. "Are you all right?"

"I'm  _trying,_ Miss Mears," Alex whispers, a sob escaping her lips, burying her face in her hands. "I'm trying not to be - I'm really trying - I don't want to be expelled  _again._ I mean, I'm realising, for the first time, I actually like it here. The Computer Class Couple are funny and ridiculous and Fletch is actually really good and teaches me stuff about the history of languages that I never knew before. And I love Mr Matthews' lessons - and I don't want to fail again - I don't want to go home to my father telling me I'm worthless and I should have died along with my mother, I  _don't._ I like Jaden and Thom and Robbie - I've got good friends who like me for who I am here. Please tell her I'll try to be  _better,_ please don't kick me out. Not again. I'm trying to be  _good._ A good person. Like you said."

Nikita sits, stunned, unable to speak as Alex's entire frame convulses with hysterical sobs, because this speech is so different from the one that Alex gave the first time they ever spoke, here, in their little corner. It's like a different Alex, and yet in a way Nikita knows it isn't. This is  _Alex,_ pure and simple, and she finally reaches over and pushes Alex's long hair behind her ear in a gesture of comfort. "Alex."

The girl collapses in her embrace and it's a side of Alex she doesn't think anyone's ever seen. Vulnerable, desperate, in despair. Lost and afraid in a fog and trying to find someone. And holding her, Nikita feels something change in a way she can't quantify, can't express - just some sort of enormous, subtle rearrangement inside her, like a shift of tectonic plates.

All she knows is that she never wants to let Alex go.

 

 

Amanda, thankfully, trusts Nikita's judgment. Alex stays, and her behaviour begins to mellow a little. She simmers down, and even the tiniest changes like sitting up straight in classes instead of slouching in her chair and nodding respectfully to the teachers when she passes them in the halls impresses everyone. She's still loud and says wrong things at the wrong time but they all see she's  _trying_ \- and it makes Nikita smile.

"Thank you," Amanda says gratefully to Nikita, comparing the comments about Alex from the first two months to the next two. "You really do live up to your reputation, Nikita."

Alex says the same thing - _thank you_ \- the day she gets her first A on a paper and proudly shows it to Nikita. "Thank you so much - you've been there for me and you've bothered about me and you didn't give up on me - and I just want to say thank you. For everything."

Nikita feels the warmth in her heart and smiles - this kind of thing makes everything else in the teaching industry worth it. "You're welcome."

"I got you something - I mean, I kind of made it," Alex says a little sheepishly, and digs in her pocket, brandishing a small box. "Here." Her fingers brush against Nikita's when she places the gift in her hand and she feels her heart miss a beat and the heat rise in her cheeks. "Alex... you didn't have to."

The girl tilts her head to the side. "Didn't I?"

Nikita opens the box and it takes her breath away. It's a butterfly - silver and gold on a chain. It's beautiful.

"How did you..."

"I can make jewellery. I learned, back in Russia, from my aunt. And I've seen your tattoo, on your waist - butterflies mean freedom, don't they? A new life. A new beginning. A bit like what you gave me, a new start. Do you like it?" Alex sounds nervous, and Nikita feels tears welling up in her eyes. "I love it. Thank you, Alex."

"Can I put it on for you?" It's a question that makes Nikita's heart speed up again and she nods, her throat dry. The chain goes around Nikita's neck and she feels Alex's thumb brush against the base of her skull. The pendant comes to rest below her collarbones and she strokes the butterfly reverently with the pad of one finger.

"It's beautiful," Nikita murmurs, and turns her head to look up at Alex.

"You're beautiful," Alex responds, her eyes brimming with something Nikita can't place but she knows it's mirrored in her own expression.

In hindsight she can't remember who starts the kiss - but she closes her eyes and Alex's lips are on hers, warm like gingerbread and cocoa on a winter night, and Nikita feels the wet grass against her back and Alex's weight on top of her and it's so wrong but it's so right. She tastes like freedom, like hope, tastes like life and laughter and love. She is so, so beautiful, and the kiss doesn't last long enough.

"Alex - " Nikita gasps, about to tell her  _no_ and  _stop_ and  _this is wrong we can't do this_  but Alex lifts her head and her eyes are shining and she says "I love you" and all Nikita can say back in the heat of the moment is "I love you too".

 

 

Nikita stays in her office during lunch hour, after that. She brings food in a lunchbox and stays in, pretends to do paperwork, tries to keep her mind off Alex. She doesn't meet her gaze in classes and doesn't do more than a cursory check of the dorms when it comes to that. When she catches the eye of the Udinov girl she turns the corner, gets as far away as possible.

At the back of her mind she knows it's cruel - their chats in the brush have become routine and they give Nikita a sense of satisfaction and contentment, and being apart from that - cutting it all off cold turkey - makes her feel empty in a way words can't successfully describe. Pushing Alex away after she said  _I love you too -_ she wouldn't be surprised if the girl hates her now. She tries to tell herself it's for the good of both of them - if anyone at all found out what had happened that afternoon, Alex would be expelled no questions asked and she shudders to think that she'd probably be fired from a job she loves and she'd be shamed for the rest of her life. Nikita knows she can't let it go own. To protect Alex, if nothing - because she'd rather Alex hate her than see her lose everything she's worked to gain in her environment here.

But that doesn't stop Alex's visage haunting her whenever she closes her eyes, and it doesn't stop phantom fingers ghost against the back of her neck and it sends a shudder down her spine because she  _misses_ Alex, dammit, and she wants her. She was never supposed to form this kind of bond with her student but Alex throws her off-balance, Alex makes her feel things she hasn't felt since she stole forbidden kisses with her first proper girlfriend in a supply closet in school. Alex makes her want to jump off canyons, learn to sail, get on a bike, do the things she never does and say the things she never says, makes her want to chase love around the world. Alex makes her want to run and fly and scream into the wind, makes her want to live a life of adventure even though it's so much easier to settle for easy logistics.

And that scares her. She's lived in fear and comfort and  _safety_ since the day her parents discovered her kissing her lover behind the bike shed and taught her a violent lesson that she'll never forget, that has left scars on her she doesn't want to reopen. Nikita's terrified, and all she wants to do is hide in the only way she knows how to, curling in on herself and forcing the world away.

Of course, knowing Alex's dogged persistence and muleheaded stubborn courage that Nikita can't help but grudgingly respect, the girl manages to corner her and force her into talking.

"You've been avoiding me." It's not a question, it's a statement of fact, and Nikita feels the guilt bubbling up inside her when she sees the hurt and confusion in Alex's eyes. "Why?"

Nikita looks at the floor, the ceiling, her shoes, everywhere except Alex's eyes. "We can't do this."

Alex is silent for a long, long moment, before she turns on her heel and begins to head down the corridor. "You're right, we can't." Her voice echoes and leaves Nikita's ears ringing. "But that's not why you're running away."

What is she supposed to say to that? - when she's right?

 

 

Halfway through the school term comes the annual mid-year school dance, and it's chaos as everyone forgets about work and studies and talks endlessly about outfits, dates and dances. Jaden and Thom immediately pair up, no surprise, and Robbie finds a date with Sara from Sonya's dorm. Alex surprises everyone by saying she'll do a set onstage that night - just give her a mic, a guitar and a couple of songs, and she'll wow the pants off them. Amanda asks her if she's sure, and Alex nods with a dry "I don't have a date anyway" that Nikita overhears, and it makes her heart clench.

Nikita's planning to stay home on the day of the dance and pretend she's ill, because it would be the easiest way to avoid Alex for the night - beautiful, stunning, singing like an angel, she suspects. But then the afternoon before the dance, she sees that one meaningful look in Alex's eyes from across the green where the music prep team are setting up and doing last checks that everything works, and when she gets home she finds herself gravitating towards her wardrobe for an outfit. How can she say no to her?

The dance is  _amazing._ Nikita never fails to be astonished year after year at the spectacular decorations and how everything fits to a theme perfectly like a jigsaw puzzle without a single missing piece, how the atmosphere is light and cheery and puts a smile on everyone's faces, how the food is brilliant - she never fails to be struck dumb by how everything can be in a state of chaos just hours before the event itself but it always, always settles into place when night falls and the velvet night sky is dotted with stars. With the moon hanging above them and the sun hidden behind the hills the school seems so  _different,_ and so do all the students.

Especially Alex.

Nikita feels like someone's knocked all the breath from her lungs when she stands near the buffet table and watches Alex perform, solo, onstage. Her voice resonates like an angel's and she sounds like a heavenly choir, like the most exquisitely crafted symphony in existence, like the wind rustling through the trees. Her hair is let loose and she's in a dress that makes her seem like she is dancing in candlelight. She is born for the spotlight, Nikita realizes when her cup of punch is halfway to her lips. She is so, so beautiful.

The upbeat, fun song ends and Alex smiles, panning to her crowd. "How was that, guys?"

They roar in approval - Alex is already well-liked amongst her fellow students, and Nikita sees some of the teachers yell too with smiles on their faces - and Alex clears her throat. "Alright, I should be getting off this stage and I should stop stealing the Teachers' Band's thunder..." - this is met by applause and hooting chuckles - "... and I didn't plan for this song, but hey, why not, right? I think you'll enjoy it - take to the dance floor, lovebirds, for your first slow dance of the night!" She turns to glance quickly at Allenby, handling the background sound and he gives her a thumbs-up. "Okay, here we go - a classic everyone knows. Enjoy."

Alex cuts the talk and hums along to the introduction of  _I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing,_ and it's such a beautiful song - it casts smiles on everyone's faces as she begins to sing, and Nikita can't take her eyes off her. Alex looks so lost in the music, so blissful, and it makes her ache - how long has the daughter of Nikolai Udinov gone without an outlet for her love of the artistic she's a hundred percent sure wasn't encouraged in the home of the man who leads Zetrov? She's in her element and completely tranquil and it's a sight to behold.

Alex's eyes snap open then, and in the rippling crowd, her eyes meet Nikita's. The older woman watches, entranced, as Alex's focus shifts from the students to her and her alone, and suddenly there's a change in the way the song's being sung - it's so subtle Nikita doubts anyone could hear it, but she does. Within a second Alex is no longer singing for an assembly. She's singing for Nikita.

_"I don't wanna close my eyes... I don't wanna fall asleep, cause I'd miss you, baby, and I don't wanna miss a thing."_

Alex's eyes are locked on Nikita and to everyone else it'd seem like she's just staring into the crowd but Nikita knows better. And it makes her want to cry.

The second chorus ends and Nikita can't take it, not anymore, and she drops her cup in the trash before she runs outside. It's pouring now, but she wrenches the door of the hall open and hugs herself as she leans against the doorframe, feeling raindrops splash against her skin as she tries to stop feeling like...  _this._

The song comes to an end, a minute or so later. And seconds after  _Fall For You_ starts being performed by the Teachers' Band Alex pushes the door open and she stares straight at Nikita.

Nikita stares back, and forces herself out of the trance that leads to them looking at each other for a long time, begins to walk away into the downpour, back to her car, back to safety where Alex's piercing gaze can't tear her apart.

Alex's grip on her arm is steel and pulls her back to face her.

"Alex," Nikita whispers hoarsely.

The girl meets her gaze, steady, unwavering - but her voice is different, it's tremulous and needy and rich with want. _"Nikita."_

And that's the final straw; there is no hesitation in the kiss as Alex cups Nikita's face in her hands and pulls her in close - she slams her into a wall and Alex's fingers tangle through her hair as Nikita slides her hands around Alex's waist, craving more, craving more closeness, more warmth, more of this. She never wants it to end, never.

 

 

How she ends up in Alex's bed in the dorm is beyond Nikita but who cares about a fuzzy memory when they're tangled in the sheets, hair mussed up and a sheen of sweat beading on their foreheads? It is  _so good_ and the thought that they could be caught seems negligible right now. It's so good, so perfect, so everything-that-she's-ever-wanted that it isn't till her blouse's rucked up to her breastbone that Nikita's breath hitches and she grabs Alex's wrist instinctively. Their eyes meet and Alex whispers, "what?"

"Are you sure?" Nikita's finger traces a path from jaw to throat to collarbones. "Once we cross that line, that's  _it,_ Alex - and we can  _never_ let anyone know about this, never - or everything we've ever had will disappear. Ever."

Alex shakes her head. "I don't care," and Nikita can tell she genuinely doesn't. "Anything is worth it - anything is worth it for this one night. With you." Her lips dance against Nikita's abdomen, butterfly-soft. "I've been sure since the day you sat down with me to talk and you accepted a cigarette and beer. Nikita," she says quietly. "Please."

Alex doesn't wait for an answer - typical - and all but tears Nikita's top off her and wastes no time sliding one hand between her legs, beneath the soft satin of her skirt, and she lets out a soft, satisfied hiss as Nikita snaps her hips upward, desperate for more contact. "Alex..."

The kiss Alex plants on her lips is light and teasing. "Just lay back and relax... all I'm going to do tonight is make you feel better than you've ever felt before."

And indeed, she does, in ways Nikita never thought were possible. It's not just about Alex tracing her tongue from Nikita's throat down to her clit and making her buck and gasp, it's not just about Alex tracing Nikita's tattoo with a fingernail in a way that's too sexy to be healthy, it's not just about Alex sliding her fingers into tight, wet heat and hitting spots that make Nikita keen with pleasure, it's about how Alex seems to heal her, how Alex makes her believe in love again. Nikita comes once, twice, again, and lets Alex collapse into her arms reminiscence of the way she did after Amanda had talked about expelling her and she'd poured out her pain to Nikita.

When Alex spreads her legs for her, raw, open, vulnerable, it takes Nikita's breath away because it seems so innocent in some divine way, and she finds her fingers trembling when she slips inside Alex. The girl writhes under her ministrations and makes whimpering noises that are a Carnegie Hall-worthy melody to her. She comes with a cry of  _"Nikita"_ and it's  _perfect,_ so perfect.

The girl cuddles up in Nikita's arms after riding out the aftershocks of her orgasm - her cheeks are flushed and her hair matted and she's smiling dizzily, stroking Nikita's cheek. "God, you're beautiful."

"I love you."

"I love you too," Alex smiles drowsily, and clings to Nikita as she falls asleep. Deep down she knows there'll be chaos in the morning and they won't get away with this without some form of consequences but for now, for tonight, where nobody'll miss them... it's everything she's ever wanted.

 

 

Nikita wakes up blearily to Alex frantically tugging her clothes on and shaking her awake. "Jaden came to alert us - Amanda was wondering why you were late to report in and she got suspicious and you need to get out now!"

Nikita leaps up, instantly alert, and looks around for her clothes, pulling her blouse haphazardly over her head and frenetically searching for her pants. She's just about to open the French windows and leap out when Amanda all but tears the door off its hinges and bursts in on them, trailed by a guilty-looking Jaden, Thom and Robbie. From behind Thom mouths a  _sorry, we tried to stall her_ but all Nikita can see is Amanda's cold fury as she takes in the scene and all she hears is her superior yelling "my office, now!" before she storms out.

"Oh fuck," Alex whispers, still in a state of undress, grabbing Nikita's arm. "Nikita - "

Nikita shakes her off. "Go for class. I'll deal with this - I won't let Amanda lay a finger on you."

"Nikita," Alex cries, not letting go. " _Nikita -_ "

"Watch her," Nikita instructs to Jaden and the boys and they nod, pushing Alex away as Nikita disappears to see Amanda. Her heart's sinking, and she knows it's over for her.

But she won't let it be over for Alex. However much she wants an alternative, however much she's dreamt of it -

_No._

_I can't._

 

 

"I trust you have an explanation for this," Nikita can tell it's taking a lot for Amanda to keep her voice steady. "So far it hasn't spread yet, so there's no chance of a scandal. But I want to hear your side of the story because you've always been trustworthy, reliable - so I want to know  _why_ you slept with your student - your underage student - Nikolai Udinov's  _daughter._ _"_ Amanda sighs and massages her temples. "Do you even  _comprehend_ how this could affect the school, Nikita? If he gets wind of this that's it, we're  _all_ done for - faculty and student body alike. Tell me why I shouldn't fire you and expel her, right now."

Nikita's trembling from the effort to keep calm - but she does. She raises her head, confident, and answers, clear as a bell.

"I won't. You can fire me - you  _cannot expel Alex;_ she is blameless for the whole incident. I don't have an explanation, Amanda. I don't. All I know is that I love her."  _And that she loves me back,_ Nikita thinks silently, but decides she can't allow anything to work against Alex right now.

Amanda is quiet for a long, long time before she finally makes her verdict.

"You are _good,_ Nikita. Your reputation... it's pristine. You have done so much for the school, and I'm sorry I have to do this... believe me, I  _understand._ " She pinches her nosebridge. "But I... I don't have a choice. You understand that, don't you?" Her subordinate nods; she does. "You have twenty-four hours to pack up and leave; you can tell them goodbye. Go."

Nikita goes.

 

 

The official reason behind Nikita's so-called resignation is that she's tired, disillusioned, wants a break. It's mostly accepted by the faculty because Nikita  _has_ been with them for a long time and it makes sense that she'd want a change of environment. It's accepted by the student body too, because they know first-hand that being a teacher is hard work and they know what it's like to want to cut a break.

For Alex...

Jaden, Thom and Robbie have to stop her lunging out of her seat and tearing up to the stage when Nikita makes her speech in the hall - the same hall they were having their dance the previous night. Nikita sees it, and it breaks her heart.

"I would like to thank you... all of you, for my wonderful time here. And I'll never forget it. Thank you. And may your futures be bright, wherever you go from here."

Her speech is met with silence from the student population, who love Miss Mears and her willingness to bend the rules to help them, protect them, nurture them and guide them. She sees a few tears shed, but she's focused entirely on Alex. Her rage, her anguish - and she knows it has to be goodbye, so that Alex will be okay.

And that, somehow, makes Nikita feel a lot better. Like it's worth it.

 

 

Nikita finishes packing and clearing at eleven that night, everything in cardboard boxes, taped up and labeled, ready to be loaded in her trunk and brought back to home. From there she'll figure out what to do.

The sight of a shadowy figure by her car scares Nikita enough that she nearly drops all her stuff, but the figure dashes up to her and steadies the cartons, warning her to keep silent. It's a familiar figure.

"Alex?..." Nikita asks cautiously. "What are you  _doing?_ _"_

Alex doesn't answer in words, she just picks up the suitcase standing by her feet and opens it with a click, and Nikita breathes out a sharp hiss. "Alex... where did you get all that money?" Nikita can't help but gasp because the value of the green dollar bills, all in neat piles secured with rubber bands - that's more money than she's ever seen in her lifetime.

"You forget I'm the daughter of a Udinov," Alex answers grimly, and there is none of her usual humour in her flat voice at all. "It's all the money from my savings account and I hacked into any other account I could access and took what I could that wouldn't send Zetrov spiralling to the ground - there are innocent employees there who need a job to feed their families and I'm not going to ruin their lives. We can run away, Nikita. Go elsewhere, buy new identities, you could get another job, we'd be free. If you want I could fake our deaths once we're wherever we are. What do you say?" There's a hardness in Alex's eyes Nikita hasn't seen before and suddenly it dawns on her that as much as Alex tries to distance herself from the world her father reigns over, there is a part of her that is pure Alexandra Udinov rather than Alex - ruthless, cunning, willing to sacrifice everything for the sake of what she wants, what she needs.

Nikita looks at Alex for a long moment, looks at the money, at everything Alex has on hand. It's quiet, nothing but the night breeze and calls of nocturnal creatures.

What Alex is suggesting is pure madness. It's both of them abandoning  _everything_ and starting all over again somewhere else, where they'd be nameless, faceless strangers, where people don't know them. It's  _crazy_. They'd have to give up everything, disappear - Nikita wonders if Alex's idea includes plastic surgery to change their looks, or erasing their tracks on CCTV and other surveillance with some fancy equipment. How would they fake their deaths? How would they change  _everything_  they've ever known - because that's honestly all the plan is when you scrape away the surface?

But... it's freedom. It's a new start, new life, like the butterfly on her waist represents. It's what she's hoped for, dreamed of, harboured dark desire for in the deepest depths of her heart. 

It's Alex, who's standing in front of her with bright blue eyes and an excited little smile and who means so much, more than she can comprehend.

It's  _Alex._

Nikita lifts her head and says one word.

"Okay."

And irrevocably, everything changes. 


End file.
